@Bananamaste's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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I mounted my wife's GPS upside down. Our garage is now a drive-thru.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Whenever wild animals talk amongst each other and the word "trainer" comes up.. Its usually accompanied with "air quotes", then laughs.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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A blatant foul. For 'trying too hard'. Penalty shot won the game. Was a good call, and the crowd.. Beat me up for no good reason.
#gsoav -
Namaste you stupid motherfucker.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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A man without a wife is like a tree without a woodpecker.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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We just need a room where we can cry our eyes out and simultaneously pee ourselves. A super absorbent room of sadness.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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You only have 1 life to live. Time is passing fast. No time for drama. No time for games. Life's too short. Yes I'll have dessert.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Everyone that comes into your life is there for a reason. The real ones will stand by you. The nasty ones will fade away. Love conquers all.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I can turn any relationship into a police report.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Not going to have a kitchen in my next home. Then I won't have to worry about what I was going in there to get.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Twitter: Where you spend most of your time worrying you are tweeting too much while most don't even realize you are tweeting.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Pretty sure Peter Pan & Tinkerbell engaged in consensual BDSM activities until that time they snorted too much pixie dust & Tink freaked outRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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There was a baby in the store with a gigantic head. He fell asleep and tipped over. So far, he's my favorite baby ever.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beansRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I'd follow you but I'm very sure all your tweets are going to be like " open a book, close your legs" and shit.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Take a deep breath.. we're all in this together.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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travel the trails until you see goodness sincerity kindness. if you don't see it yet keep going. keep going and keep going and keep goingRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Okay, everybody just fucking back off. Unless you're going to try to make us laugh, keep your @-hole shut for the rest of the night.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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There's something so damaged about you. It calls to me.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I have 2 wireless routers and a satellite dish. Sometimes I pick up my neighbor's thoughts. He thinks about pizza a lot.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I need sum'n ta bitch about and I need it now. SNAP! SNAP!Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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In all fairness, some of you are just rambling right now.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Every day at work is like a slow boat ride to Idiot Island.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Even a monkey can be a king if you give it a crown.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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'Hypnotized by truck nuts' should be a legal defense for rear-ending someone.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I never judge a book by its cover. I always judge a book by just how much it hurts when I drop it on my toe.
#ftwot -
~ You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. - Marian Wright Edelman ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I feel like the guy walking around the lake looking for his golf ball.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Fine was THIS your card {throws whole deck at kitten, kitten just stares cause kitten cant remember}Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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What we are telling you about everything, is your fucking business - the voices, when I tried to ignore them.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Candy. On one hand, it's stuck in my throat and hurts. On the other hand, it's still releasing flavor.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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"Look at you strutting around like a banty rooster with your chest puffed out!" ~ Shit my Grandpa just said! Me: ??? ;-)Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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What? I thought everybody liked watching train wrecks. Eyes over here.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Even if it always seems like everyone driving just left a shithead seminar, I love. Yes, even when they believe I was guest speaker.
#tbot -
I'll workout tomorrow. Promise. ProbablyRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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or manually RT it "
@nerdamage: No subject should be taboo. For example, you could tweet about how great I am."Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand -
ima b that gurl eat so many leafy greens da caterpillars b complaininRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I'm thinking enough time has passed for a Deadhead to no longer have anything to do with music.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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When you test noise canceling headphones and the crowd chatter diminishes, you have very good headphones or a room full of paid actors.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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My tweets are like an Eco novel - entertaining on the surface but if you work hard & dig deep enough you'll realize it wasn't worth it.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Gasps* ACK! O-M-G. It's garden gnome season here in the province. It's official 'cause my neighbor just put one out. Gets ninja gear ready*Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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*decides situation is desperate enough to resort to positive affirmations*Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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It all started when they stole my red wagon.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Say "cheese". pic.twitter.com/t7RAw6IguoRetweeted by NapsnapperView photo
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Thank-you all for your kindness & everything you do. ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Was on 3rd try the astronomers agreed on a name. Big Thumb sounded dumb and Fingerbang Theory felt real wet and messy, I'm guessing.
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Twitter - write = t & t write + dynamite = nothing I wrote keeping the streak alive or bust = another tweet bites the dust # meh
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Tried to see if I could squeeze blood from a turnip. Fuck. Driver guy, Steve, hit a bump; now I'm naive. I just fell off the truck.
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Well, I tried to bluff the teacher. Pretended I read the book. Probably shoulda known that Watson never said: "No shit, Sherlock."
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"Feel the Earth's vibrating beat as boys & girls meet; to cyber-moon & spoon & star tweets. Ok? Gimme my treats." ~shit my dog says
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Last year, they smashed an Adam & got the Ants. This time, they’re putting Dora in the supercollider & hoping to get free Doritos.
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Walked into a psychotic episode today. Its name once confused a socialite wall shopper. I suspect show’s in syndication & is a rerun.
#tbot -
~ "Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid." – Lady Bird Johnson ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I just realized I could use the TP from my TyPos. If I could reach 'em from where I'm sitting. Which I can't.
#tbot -
Guys. I got the shit to make friendship bracelets. You in?Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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It's MY garden. Those squirrels are OUT of luck! Narrows eyes* Gardens, are NO place for your nuts! What? Wait. Thinks* Whatever. Send.*Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Oh, I get it. A bunch of you guys got together and said: "let's tweet shit nobody can comprehend" - lolRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Listen to your life. All moments are key moments. ~Frederick Buechner ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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My goal is to keep tweeting bullshit until I lose all 3600 Twitter followers.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Feelings are my favorite reason to medicate. Gastrointestinal illness is a close second.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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My Goal Of The Day - Some point either during or after mass, make Father Tom say, "Damn it Kathy...". Good times folks...good good times.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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kinda feel like you guys are a buncha shrimpsRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I let the pot boil dry when cooking corn on the cob and they stuck together. Now I'm Corn-fused. Sorry.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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"Once you get used to the deafening silence & constant longing for the way things used to be, loneliness isn't that bad" - My friend...Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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That tweet made as much sense as a stick horse with stirrups.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Some guy kept yelling for me to flash my "boobs" while I was singing, but I think we want different things out of life.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Space aliens are probably light years ahead of us with their advanced couch technology.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Free self promotional slogan for eels: KEEPING IT EELRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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A mystery of Twitter = A star from someone that doesn't follow you on a tweet that hasn't been RT'd.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I'm tryin'not use credit card.Not by dogmatism.I can’t stand the guilts that follow,who giggling ironically like a flock of bimbos in myHeadRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Just finished playing on Facebook, and it turns out I DO Know Jack. But not in the Biblical sense.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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TURTLE. Do you know what keeps the moon up? ME. Boy, you're stupid.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Just remember, Twitter snobs are the most delusional of us all.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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introduce your friends to each other and lose them all in one go.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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You know those tweets that are guaranteed to bomb? Trust me, you should send those instead.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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We're probably related pic.twitter.com/JwvvPg8P0qRetweeted by NapsnapperView photo
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You should take another year off...Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Twitter - teaching folks how to get to the fucking point since 2006.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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The fact that some of you are in the medical profession is deeply, deeply, disturbing. Thank fuck we don't have health insurance...Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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SUBWAY SANDWICH ARTIST. Sorry, thought you wanted it toasted. DOLORES. (Gravely.) It's over now. There's no reason to talk about it.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I wonder how cross eyed Google Glass users are going to be.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Pro tip: if you're going to have a melt down at work, unknowingly time it in front of your boss to get a week offRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Hold still. I'm about to fuck this up.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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if i had to donate myself to science, it would be a bear scientistRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Pretty much skullfucking this Pop TartRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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find what's good in the mythology find what's wise find what's honorable find what's loveRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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You're either making money or taking it from someone else. Those lines are blurred in legitimate companies too. Few are truly innocent.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Wife's out of town can't sleep *rents chainsaw* *cranks chainsaw* *lays chainsaw in bed* *cuddles chainsaw* ....still too quiet....Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Anything can be a bookmark. Like a flaccid penis, for example.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Bib? The steamed clam's a squirter.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Every three minutes, a tweeter picks a fight with another tweeter. Retweet someone to let them know they're not alone.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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"Hey kids, don't pop pills, Pop Tarts! Wocka Wocka Wocka!"...What a Fozzie Bear anti-prescription abuse message would sound like on TV todayRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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The best revenge is success - or, making a fake profile for your ex on a fetish site.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I live for those who love me, Whose hearts are kind and true ~ George Banks ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Next time your gal is picking her front wedgy, accuse her of going deep sea fishing without you.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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My attitude is based on the way you treat me. ~ UnknownRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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It will hit the media shortly - apparently my dogs have released videos of my "bad dog!" rants & rolled up newspaper use.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Before you sub tweet on my last tweet, fuck off..,,I already fucked your mom. And please let me know if you need any roof work.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Finishing his discourse on consuming Limburger Cheese, he gave a sigh as a curl of smoke escaped his nostrils. The cat remained unimpressed.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Letting go of something bad in your life, isn't a sign of failure, it's a sign of maturity that you're finally taking care of yourself.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I like my men like I like my chairs: waiting there patiently hoping for a chance to touch my butt.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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heaven is all the telephone wire sneakers reunited with their peepsRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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In case you were wondering how grown up I am, I did a 50 yard wind sprint trying to catch the ice cream truck. For ice cream. For me.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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If I can answer your extremely judgemental tweet with the phrase "says the bird with her tits out" you're doing Twitter right.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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If they carried peach Fresca at the corner market, I could reduce my carbon footprint by at least a couple toes.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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~ The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Some of the: best people I've never met; kindest I've never; most fragile I've nvr; funniest I've nvr & sickest I've nvr met. Twotter.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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If u r on Twotter &u meet a rotter Do u just give em a block? Or show em ur a rock? Or try&find their good side No matter how well it hide?Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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This is just hedonistic pleasure seeking of a perverted nature. But at the same time, meat pudding doesn't keep.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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PEER. Ever think how we're just improvising our way through life. ME. Thats deep. I rehearse everything I'm going to say/do the night beforeRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Damn it, Turtle! Turn around and go back down that driveway. I want to be alone for a bit.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I'm not going to tell anyone how to do twitter, discover and learn as in real life but don't give up.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt ♥Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Some of my best tweets are just farts in a hurricane.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I don't care if you call me dinosaur.Because dinosaurs was the last kind of animals who they did anything they wanted,any time they wanted.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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He just licks his balls and raises the occassional eyebrow. *sigh*Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I finally have more followers than I follow. This Elite shit is AWESOME!Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I just read an article on how to gain and keep followers. It said to be social and not to be rude. So... Hi, a-holes! No wait... SHITRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I spent a lot of the last year finding myself. Turned out I was in the pantry eating Cheetos. Should have known to look there first.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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People! As a courtesy to those forced to overhear your conversation, please make them interesting.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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No skills or talent for anything whatsoever? Welcome to twitter.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt VonnegutRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Happiness - Ability to stay totally out of touch with reality 100% of the time, I can see that is old news to all of you.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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At Home Depot looking for the smallest handheld shower head possible.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Everyday I like 2learn something. 2day I learn raspberries hav small pips which get stuck between teeth. Not big day in search 4 knowledge.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Teach me, use me, claim me, study me, direct me, pose me, desire me, unwrap me, carry me, show me how to please. A lament of an unused muse.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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nobody is ever going to be in the future so it might as well be usRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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New person yay! Oh good stuff! star star star star... racist tweet?! WTF?! Unstar unstar unstar ...slink away..take shower.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Everything will work itself out. Everything is going to be ok.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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I see your daddy issues and I raise you his mommy issuesRetweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Having a profession is the world's oldest form of prostitution.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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If anyone wants my tweets they are welcome to them. They aren't doing much for me and from the looks of it, much for anyone else.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Speak no evil. Hear no evil. See no evil. Tweet no evil.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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The compact umbrellas were nice. Some longer, some fatter. Firm. Look away Christmas sweater department store lady, I'm having a moment.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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Just made a mountain out of a mole hill and the villagers are bowing at my feet and showering me with gifts. Wrong again, grandma.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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@SirEdSur: I'm smart enough to know I'm not smart enough to challenge smart people to a war of words. You, not so much. -
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@LoveScopes: Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us. ~Jane Roberts -
There are two types of people here; those that respect you, and those that don't matter.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
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If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.Retweeted by NapsnapperExpand
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 3:50 PM 0 Comments