@Bananamaste's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Looking for a star. Boobs.
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I mounted my wife's GPS upside down. Our garage is now a drive-thru.
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Whenever wild animals talk amongst each other and the word "trainer" comes up.. Its usually accompanied with "air quotes", then laughs.
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A blatant foul. For 'trying too hard'. Penalty shot won the game. Was a good call, and the crowd.. Beat me up for no good reason.
#gsoav -
Namaste you stupid motherfucker.
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A man without a wife is like a tree without a woodpecker.
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We just need a room where we can cry our eyes out and simultaneously pee ourselves. A super absorbent room of sadness.
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You only have 1 life to live. Time is passing fast. No time for drama. No time for games. Life's too short. Yes I'll have dessert.
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Everyone that comes into your life is there for a reason. The real ones will stand by you. The nasty ones will fade away. Love conquers all.
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I can turn any relationship into a police report.
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Not going to have a kitchen in my next home. Then I won't have to worry about what I was going in there to get.
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Twitter: Where you spend most of your time worrying you are tweeting too much while most don't even realize you are tweeting.
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Pretty sure Peter Pan & Tinkerbell engaged in consensual BDSM activities until that time they snorted too much pixie dust & Tink freaked out
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I only came to court for the frisking
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There was a baby in the store with a gigantic head. He fell asleep and tipped over. So far, he's my favorite baby ever.
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money is cool how you can just give somebody this dumb piece of paper and then they'll give you a can of beans
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I'd follow you but I'm very sure all your tweets are going to be like " open a book, close your legs" and shit.
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I think I need more light in my dark.
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Take a deep breath.. we're all in this together.
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travel the trails until you see goodness sincerity kindness. if you don't see it yet keep going. keep going and keep going and keep going
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Yoga sucks. Yeah I said it.
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Okay, everybody just fucking back off. Unless you're going to try to make us laugh, keep your @-hole shut for the rest of the night.
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There's something so damaged about you. It calls to me.
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I have 2 wireless routers and a satellite dish. Sometimes I pick up my neighbor's thoughts. He thinks about pizza a lot.
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I need sum'n ta bitch about and I need it now. SNAP! SNAP!
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In all fairness, some of you are just rambling right now.
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Every day at work is like a slow boat ride to Idiot Island.
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Even a monkey can be a king if you give it a crown.
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'Hypnotized by truck nuts' should be a legal defense for rear-ending someone.
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I never judge a book by its cover. I always judge a book by just how much it hurts when I drop it on my toe.
#ftwot -
~ You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. - Marian Wright Edelman ♥
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I feel like the guy walking around the lake looking for his golf ball.
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Fine was THIS your card {throws whole deck at kitten, kitten just stares cause kitten cant remember}
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What we are telling you about everything, is your fucking business - the voices, when I tried to ignore them.
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Candy. On one hand, it's stuck in my throat and hurts. On the other hand, it's still releasing flavor.
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"Look at you strutting around like a banty rooster with your chest puffed out!" ~ Shit my Grandpa just said! Me: ??? ;-)
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What? I thought everybody liked watching train wrecks. Eyes over here.
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.
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Even if it always seems like everyone driving just left a shithead seminar, I love. Yes, even when they believe I was guest speaker.
#tbot -
I'll workout tomorrow. Promise. Probably
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or manually RT it "
@nerdamage: No subject should be taboo. For example, you could tweet about how great I am." -
ima b that gurl eat so many leafy greens da caterpillars b complainin
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I'm thinking enough time has passed for a Deadhead to no longer have anything to do with music.
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When you test noise canceling headphones and the crowd chatter diminishes, you have very good headphones or a room full of paid actors.
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My tweets are like an Eco novel - entertaining on the surface but if you work hard & dig deep enough you'll realize it wasn't worth it.
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Gasps* ACK! O-M-G. It's garden gnome season here in the province. It's official 'cause my neighbor just put one out. Gets ninja gear ready*
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*decides situation is desperate enough to resort to positive affirmations*
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It all started when they stole my red wagon.
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Say "cheese". pic.twitter.com/t7RAw6Iguo
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someone gonna rt my poems one day
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Thank-you all for your kindness & everything you do. ♥
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Was on 3rd try the astronomers agreed on a name. Big Thumb sounded dumb and Fingerbang Theory felt real wet and messy, I'm guessing.
#tbot -
Twitter - write = t & t write + dynamite = nothing I wrote keeping the streak alive or bust = another tweet bites the dust # meh
#tbot -
Tried to see if I could squeeze blood from a turnip. Fuck. Driver guy, Steve, hit a bump; now I'm naive. I just fell off the truck.
#tbot -
Well, I tried to bluff the teacher. Pretended I read the book. Probably shoulda known that Watson never said: "No shit, Sherlock."
#tbot -
"Feel the Earth's vibrating beat as boys & girls meet; to cyber-moon & spoon & star tweets. Ok? Gimme my treats." ~shit my dog says
#tbot -
With each tweet, I’m more ignored.
#tbot -
Last year, they smashed an Adam & got the Ants. This time, they’re putting Dora in the supercollider & hoping to get free Doritos.
#tbot -
Walked into a psychotic episode today. Its name once confused a socialite wall shopper. I suspect show’s in syndication & is a rerun.
#tbot -
~ "Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid." – Lady Bird Johnson ♥
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I just realized I could use the TP from my TyPos. If I could reach 'em from where I'm sitting. Which I can't.
#tbot -
Guys. I got the shit to make friendship bracelets. You in?
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It's MY garden. Those squirrels are OUT of luck! Narrows eyes* Gardens, are NO place for your nuts! What? Wait. Thinks* Whatever. Send.*
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Oh, I get it. A bunch of you guys got together and said: "let's tweet shit nobody can comprehend" - lol
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Listen to your life. All moments are key moments. ~Frederick Buechner ♥
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My goal is to keep tweeting bullshit until I lose all 3600 Twitter followers.
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Feelings are my favorite reason to medicate. Gastrointestinal illness is a close second.
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My Goal Of The Day - Some point either during or after mass, make Father Tom say, "Damn it Kathy...". Good times folks...good good times.
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kinda feel like you guys are a buncha shrimps
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I let the pot boil dry when cooking corn on the cob and they stuck together. Now I'm Corn-fused. Sorry.
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"Once you get used to the deafening silence & constant longing for the way things used to be, loneliness isn't that bad" - My friend...
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That tweet made as much sense as a stick horse with stirrups.
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Some guy kept yelling for me to flash my "boobs" while I was singing, but I think we want different things out of life.
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Space aliens are probably light years ahead of us with their advanced couch technology.
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Free self promotional slogan for eels: KEEPING IT EEL
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A mystery of Twitter = A star from someone that doesn't follow you on a tweet that hasn't been RT'd.
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I'm tryin'not use credit card.Not by dogmatism.I can’t stand the guilts that follow,who giggling ironically like a flock of bimbos in myHead
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Just finished playing on Facebook, and it turns out I DO Know Jack. But not in the Biblical sense.
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TURTLE. Do you know what keeps the moon up? ME. Boy, you're stupid.
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Just remember, Twitter snobs are the most delusional of us all.
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introduce your friends to each other and lose them all in one go.
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You know those tweets that are guaranteed to bomb? Trust me, you should send those instead.
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We're probably related pic.twitter.com/JwvvPg8P0q
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You should take another year off...
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Twitter - teaching folks how to get to the fucking point since 2006.
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The fact that some of you are in the medical profession is deeply, deeply, disturbing. Thank fuck we don't have health insurance...
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SUBWAY SANDWICH ARTIST. Sorry, thought you wanted it toasted. DOLORES. (Gravely.) It's over now. There's no reason to talk about it.
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iwrinkily
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I wonder how cross eyed Google Glass users are going to be.
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Pro tip: if you're going to have a melt down at work, unknowingly time it in front of your boss to get a week off
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Hold still. I'm about to fuck this up.
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some of us love some of us
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if i had to donate myself to science, it would be a bear scientist
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Pretty much skullfucking this Pop Tart
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find what's good in the mythology find what's wise find what's honorable find what's love
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You're either making money or taking it from someone else. Those lines are blurred in legitimate companies too. Few are truly innocent.
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I just blocked a church.
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Wife's out of town can't sleep *rents chainsaw* *cranks chainsaw* *lays chainsaw in bed* *cuddles chainsaw* ....still too quiet....
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Anything can be a bookmark. Like a flaccid penis, for example.
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um, are you green grass
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Bib? The steamed clam's a squirter.
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Every three minutes, a tweeter picks a fight with another tweeter. Retweet someone to let them know they're not alone.
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"Hey kids, don't pop pills, Pop Tarts! Wocka Wocka Wocka!"...What a Fozzie Bear anti-prescription abuse message would sound like on TV today
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Opened a tweet and it was empty.
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The best revenge is success - or, making a fake profile for your ex on a fetish site.
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I live for those who love me, Whose hearts are kind and true ~ George Banks ♥
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Next time your gal is picking her front wedgy, accuse her of going deep sea fishing without you.
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My attitude is based on the way you treat me. ~ Unknown
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It will hit the media shortly - apparently my dogs have released videos of my "bad dog!" rants & rolled up newspaper use.
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.
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Before you sub tweet on my last tweet, fuck off..,,I already fucked your mom. And please let me know if you need any roof work.
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Finishing his discourse on consuming Limburger Cheese, he gave a sigh as a curl of smoke escaped his nostrils. The cat remained unimpressed.
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1980s music is so 2002.
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Letting go of something bad in your life, isn't a sign of failure, it's a sign of maturity that you're finally taking care of yourself.
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I like my men like I like my chairs: waiting there patiently hoping for a chance to touch my butt.
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heaven is all the telephone wire sneakers reunited with their peeps
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In case you were wondering how grown up I am, I did a 50 yard wind sprint trying to catch the ice cream truck. For ice cream. For me.
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If I can answer your extremely judgemental tweet with the phrase "says the bird with her tits out" you're doing Twitter right.
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If they carried peach Fresca at the corner market, I could reduce my carbon footprint by at least a couple toes.
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~ The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain ♥
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Some of the: best people I've never met; kindest I've never; most fragile I've nvr; funniest I've nvr & sickest I've nvr met. Twotter.
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If u r on Twotter &u meet a rotter Do u just give em a block? Or show em ur a rock? Or try&find their good side No matter how well it hide?
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This is just hedonistic pleasure seeking of a perverted nature. But at the same time, meat pudding doesn't keep.
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PEER. Ever think how we're just improvising our way through life. ME. Thats deep. I rehearse everything I'm going to say/do the night before
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Damn it, Turtle! Turn around and go back down that driveway. I want to be alone for a bit.
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I'm not going to tell anyone how to do twitter, discover and learn as in real life but don't give up.
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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt ♥
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Never take anything too seriously.
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Happy people give me heartburn
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Some of my best tweets are just farts in a hurricane.
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I don't care if you call me dinosaur.Because dinosaurs was the last kind of animals who they did anything they wanted,any time they wanted.
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He just licks his balls and raises the occassional eyebrow. *sigh*
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It only hurts if you're living.
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Pretty people taste better.
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I finally have more followers than I follow. This Elite shit is AWESOME!
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I just read an article on how to gain and keep followers. It said to be social and not to be rude. So... Hi, a-holes! No wait... SHIT
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I spent a lot of the last year finding myself. Turned out I was in the pantry eating Cheetos. Should have known to look there first.
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People! As a courtesy to those forced to overhear your conversation, please make them interesting.
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No skills or talent for anything whatsoever? Welcome to twitter.
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We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut
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Happiness - Ability to stay totally out of touch with reality 100% of the time, I can see that is old news to all of you.
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At Home Depot looking for the smallest handheld shower head possible.
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Everyday I like 2learn something. 2day I learn raspberries hav small pips which get stuck between teeth. Not big day in search 4 knowledge.
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Teach me, use me, claim me, study me, direct me, pose me, desire me, unwrap me, carry me, show me how to please. A lament of an unused muse.
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nobody is ever going to be in the future so it might as well be us
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New person yay! Oh good stuff! star star star star... racist tweet?! WTF?! Unstar unstar unstar ...slink away..take shower.
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Everything will work itself out. Everything is going to be ok.
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I see your daddy issues and I raise you his mommy issues
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Having a profession is the world's oldest form of prostitution.
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If anyone wants my tweets they are welcome to them. They aren't doing much for me and from the looks of it, much for anyone else.
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Speak no evil. Hear no evil. See no evil. Tweet no evil.
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The compact umbrellas were nice. Some longer, some fatter. Firm. Look away Christmas sweater department store lady, I'm having a moment.
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Just made a mountain out of a mole hill and the villagers are bowing at my feet and showering me with gifts. Wrong again, grandma.
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RT
@SirEdSur: I'm smart enough to know I'm not smart enough to challenge smart people to a war of words. You, not so much. -
RT
@LoveScopes: Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us. ~Jane Roberts -
There are two types of people here; those that respect you, and those that don't matter.
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If you're my friend. There's never a need to hurt me. I've always been broken. Just accept me & love me.. unconditionally.
Napsnapper
Katie
Skipper Stevens
PAT_E_ROCK
Queen of the Damned
Tanya Johnston
Just Call Me Frank™©
Brent Smith
Sly
Theodora Chester
Lilly
indie claws
Evil Schwartzie
Hushpuppy 5¢
Gone
Maria Carreon
TheDollyLama
Scarlett Fever
PrincessCandyEmpire
Whiskey Tits
Bitch_In_Me
Verifried Drunk™®©
LoveScopes
gordon
monkey tractor
NJ's
Lolly Sassafras
Rhode Island Mike
Tigress
mexicanunicorn
Don Pearyawn
L. David Sloane
Glam Girl
Dusty Hume
Cat From Nowhere
Jesus Jaramillo
Darth Kitteus
Wonder Twin
Scott Taylor
roввyroв
Crappy Advice Dude
System Failure
Maggie
Dolores
Mediocre Marvel
sweet p
miss shushy paws
Nickels
Hypothetical Ricotta
KaratCake
Rainbow Brite
Crash Ferrari
SpaceSquirrel
Elisa
CatasTrophy
Kellye
Emily Gray
Josh Arrants
HEY! FUCK FACE!
Madame LaCrooz
Copulaterman
Lilith
Banshee
Kristarrific
D๑l๑ur๑usPurplεHæz
justdoitnowok
The Dork
From the desk of ...
PrincessOfEverything
alex carbajal
Capo Di Chaos
Left-handed.
Blakey Pants
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 3:50 PM
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